Introducing HYPOTHETICAL KOMBAT! Where I present two legendary forces of awesomeness, and I consult my friends, family, social media, and the internet in general for their take in who would win in Combat. Today is it A. A Wild Pack of Kittens? or B. 1980s Hard Rock Icon Kip Winger?
First take a look at the contestants.
A Wild Pack of Kittens
Little is known about what breed of kittens or just how wild they actually are? (Feral? Probably not… Wild like a mother… heck yeah!) To get you an idea… here are some videos of kittens…
While we are at it… here are some pictures…
I reckon this kitten is putting on an act. It is looking cute to let your guard down, then this freaking nutcase will pounce on your jugular at any second.
This kitten is getting all of the other little kitties riled up with tunes. It is laying down some of that crappy dubstep or whatever it is the kids are listening to. Pretty soon he will have an army at his disposal ready to pounce and dance all over your head.
“Are You Ready to Rock Out to Some Winger?” – Presumably Kip Winger
First of all, let us address the elephant in the room and answer the question on some people’s minds…
“Who the bloody hell is Kip Winger?” – Young Millennial reading this. Or actually its probably more like “Dat Kip Winger is lit AF, fam!”
Let me tell you about a man and the majestic-ness known as KIIIIPP WWIIINNNNNGGGAAAHHHHH!!!
Feast your eyes folks! I give you the Gift of Winger…DRINK IT IN MAN!
Now keep in mind, this was the 80s. A much different time. Ronald Reagan was President and may or may not have united the country depending on which state you live in. He-Man ruled the airwaves of Saturday morning cartoons as he and She-Ra battled Skeletor… a talking Skeleton-like thing. And then there was Winger…
Back in the 1980s, there was a trend was formed that combined hard rock and gender-ambigious fashion. It was known as Hair Metal. Some of it still holds up and sells out mid-sized arenas to this day like bands like Motley Crue and Bon Jovi. Then you get some that did not hold up quite as well. Then somewhere in the middle you have bands like Winger.
Yes, you could sing about banging underage kids and apparently nobody really questioned this. This video was viewed millions of times on a thing called Music Television or MTV (before the internet and YouTube). Even right now it has 7 million hits on YouTube which is nothing to sneeze at.
But that wasn’t what all Kip and his band appropriately named Winger sang about…his band also had a another hit called “Miles Away”…
The band broke up in the mid-90s sadly thanks to the rise of Grunge, but they came back in the 2000s and are still touring. Man, if singing “She’s Only Seventeen” wasn’t creepy when it first came out, it sure is now!
Who Would Win?
Now it is time to discuss who would win. I held several discussions with some close personal friends of mine and the internet. Here is what I found out.
Arguments For the Wild Pack of Kittens
First of all, my lovely wife, Katie, sent in this argument: the kittens would win because of their cuteness.
Thanks Katie! Maybe Kip would get scared that the kittens are cuter than he is and run like a madman. Just look at them. Dawwwww…..
My long time and dear friend, Kalaab, said this to me…
“Let’s face it: Kip Winger’s hair and necklaces look like a big mess of cat toys. Kittens aren’t typically known for their keenly developed killer instinct, but I like to think that, in the right numbers, the kittens would whip themselves into a frenzy and lay waste to our iconic friend. Sorry, Kip.”
And let us look at the footage:
Yes, those could be cat toys around his neck! The kittens would go nuts and easily defeat Kip Winger.
Then I had this discussion with my dear friend and associate, Kapraun where he had some questions…
Kapraun: Who would have the high ground?
Richie: Of course, only Obi-Wan Kenobi ever has the high ground…
Kapraun: If that is true then who does Obi Wan have more faith in? The adorable young-lings of the feline species or the power of hard rock?
Richie: Well, looking back at the Star Wars prequel trilogy, Obi Wan had a lot of faith in young-ling known as Anakin. However, Anakin grew up into the age that Kip Winger did in the hey day and murdered a bunch of very young padawan. It is hard to say what he would do now…
Kapraun: I think Obi would have already learned from his mistakes then and would not interfere. Let me ask you this… is Winger wearing Leather Pants?
Richie: Yes, all 1980s Hair Bands wore leather pants as is was the appropriate style at the time.
Kapraun: Then he would lose. Those little ferocious kittens would climb up him. They would then tear into his barely protected nether bits.
Well said my friend, well said.
Sole Argument for Kip Winger
Unfortunately, our old pal Mr. Winger had one argument in his favor, and it was from my own brother, Bobby. Now, I have taken a screenshot because I do not want to misquote the awesomeness of this argument.
I love me a stupid pun. Thanks Bobby!
Who do you think would win? Let us know in the comments and stay legendary people!