Is it okay to walk down a busy street in a disco jumpsuit, carrying a chihuahua, & sing “Cherry Pie” by 1980s Hair Metal Band Warrant?

“Why is this crazy man asking this?”

The year was 1997… Nintendo 64 had just been released a few months back. There was a contest on a website that went on to be known as IGN.

Cruisin USA

“What would you be willing to do to win a copy Cruisin’ USA for Nintendo 64?”

Cruisin USA was a very popular arcade game for some reason. This is even though there are hundreds of better racing games before and after this. I am going to go on a limb and say it may have had something to do with the celebration if you win 1st place in the Arcade Version…

Cruisin USA Uncensored

This incredibly cheesy bikini celebration that was actually “censored” by Nintendo in the Nintendo 64 version. That was enough for it receive a lot of negative reviews by video game critics. That, and the game played terrible. It still sold enough to somehow warrant 2 sequels! I knew this game was bad. However, these games back then cost $80 a pop in 1997 money, so what the heck. I entered the contest.

The Contest

I entered with this scenario:

“I will walk down a busy street in a disco jumpsuit, carrying a chihuahua and sing Warrant’s “She’s My Cherry Pie.”

Now… that is a lot to take in. Imagine a chubby mullet haired under 5 feet pimple face teenager wearing this suit…

 

Carrying this dog…

Chihuahua

Singing this amazing 1980s Classic… for those who do not know, this is “Cherry Pie” by Warrant. I guess the video is supposed to be sexy with model Bobbi Brown in it, but it is just cheesy. This is even by 1980s standards. But… you can’t keep your eyes off of how amazing it still kind of is. When playing this song in Xbox One and PS4’s Guitar Hero Live’s Music Video mode, it is hard not to watch the video while trying to keep up with the notes.

“My god Richie, why do you like the 80s so much?” – Person who also read my Kittens vs. Kip Winger article.

My teen years were in the 90s but when I was  a young boy I did not watch endless runs of the same freaking cartoons. My early childhood consisted marathons of MTV when it played videos and frequent viewings of Back to the Future. This is just who I am and I will not apologize.

The Result

My entry was rejected for being too wrong.

WHY?! They don’t say why it is wrong?

Is it wrong, IGN? Is it wrong to carry this weight on my shoulders for 20 years? Well, it is the 20 year anniversary of this horrible contest gone wrong. Now I am ready to ask the question to every one.


Asking the Question… is singing Warrant wrong?

Who did I ask?

YAHOO! ANSWERS!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!

Yes, that is right, I went to this amazing site where you get all of your questions answered, and I asked the question.

There are some who call me TimThere are some who call me Tim: Only if the chihuahua is wearing a blonde wig.

Hey, this is a nation where we are free to express our identities. if my Chihuahua wants to put on a wig, so be it…

Chihuahua in blond wig

DRINK IT IN, MAAAN!

Wire And StringWire And String: cheese my cherry pie

Ummmm…. okay?

yoloyolo: no thats very illegal. you will be arrested IMMEDIATELY

Okay, odd advice coming someone whose username is “Yolo.”

 

Next up we have two answers that basically say the same thing…

Bony IommiBony Iommi: It’s a free country, and it’s your right to look like a loonbag.

yolomoezlanski: Yes. But be ready to have people look at you strange. And question your sanity.

I am here to tell Bony Iommi and moezlanski… that ship has sailed a long time ago.

 

yoloJohn D: Here in downtown San Francisco there’s this older guy who rides around in his scooter/wheelchair in his aloha shirt and shades playing salsa dance music so loud you can hear it half a block away. 3-4-5 times a week, early afternoon, usually. He is a local figure and much loved and appreciated. Just spreading the joy…….

Now that sounds like my kind of dude. Very legendary person, 11 out of 10.

 

WUWR WUWR: Ain’t no law against it. If I saw someone walking down the street under those circumstances I would say “hey, look at that dude. That’s a dude whose figured it all out.” I’m for it personally.

YUSSS!!! Now that is the BEST ANSWER!

Fun Tidbit

In fact, I Googled “Dude whose figured it all out” and found this picture of a person who may or may not be legendary WWE Hall of Famer Shawn Michaels holding up binoculars with a half smile that I must share…

Maybe Shawn Michaels


What Won?

The winning entry was a guy who said he would slam the cartridge against the wall when he gets frustrated at a game. BLASPHEMY! You be nice! That is not how you rage quit a video game! Don’t destroy what may some day be a collectable or that you can at least trade into Gamestop for $0.32.

Well, just recently, I acquired a cartridge of Cruisin USA for my Nintendo 64 that still works. I acquired it at the local used electronics store for $6. Which is a lot less than when it came out but still more expensive than an average Steam sale game.

Still the same cruddy steering mechanics with T-Shirt wearing ladies. Just like how I remembered. Thanks nostalgia brain, you ruined another thing.

So should have my entry won? Let me know in the comments or on our Facebook or Twitter by tweeting @WYLFWT with the hashtag #DiscoCherryPie.

In the meantime, enjoy this music video of Warrant’s other big hit, “Heaven.”

 

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