A popular game to play is “A Million Dollars But…” Basically, a game of hypothetical where you get a large sum of money, but there is some sort of caveat. Well, I went to social media, my friends, and the web, and I proposed this question involving Tom Jones or Adam Sandler…

A mysterious figure approaches and says “Congratulations! You won 600 million dollars! However, you have to choose one of two things…”

A. In your head, only you can hear Tom Jones’s “It’s Not Unusual” on repeat for the rest of your life, 24/7.

B. Your only TV or Movie entertainment choice for the rest of your life is the Adam Sandler “classic” You Don’t Mess With the Zohan.

What would you all pick and why?

First, let me give you a little background on what you are getting yourself into…


Tom Jones –  “It’s Not Unusual”

First of all, let us get this out of the way. Tom Jones It’s Not Usual is freaking amazing. Yeah, sure, some say it is a bit cheesy but this damn song is the definition of “Earmworm” His smooth voice exclaiming that it’s not unusual to be loved by anyone…

This is a freaking amazing classic. Period. It also several years later gave birth to this dance…

The Carlton is the most amazing of dances there is. Better than anything you can see on So You Think You Can Dance or Dancing With the Stars. Carlton had all the moves, period.

However, having said that. I can only take this song maybe one or two times. I don’t know if I could possess the will to live to listen to this 24/7 for the rest of my life, even in my dreams.


You Don’t Mess With the Zohan

Adam Sandler’s popularity was in the 90s. Kids loved him and literally everthing he did. Then some of his followers grew up. However, his humor and movies did not grow up. The movie that got me to boycott all Adam Sandler movies for the rest of my life and what I consider the holy grail of bad comedy is the film You Don’t Mess With the Zohan.

You Don't Mess With the Zohan

I saw this piece of trash in theaters.

In the first scene, which I can’t really show here, he catches a fish with his bare ass. At that moment I went “Awww crap…”

The stupidity continued to go on for 1 hour and 53 minutes according to Google, but it felt like an eternity.

Here is what passes for comedy in Zohan…

Now I will give Adam Sandler credit. He’s built an empire off of really bad comedy. I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same if I were in his position. However, I, personally, can’t watch another Adam Sandler movie for the rest of my life. It is as simple as that.

So in a world filled with Game of Thrones, Christopher Nolan films, and Netflix… the only TV or movie in theaters, at home, or a friend or family anywhere you could watch for the rest of your life is this piece of crap. Good luck…


Getting the Answers for A Million Dollars But: My Friends

First, we will go with those who picked Tom Jones…

 
1. My dear wife, Katie, opened up with a very simple response.
“I would pick Tom Jones because You Don’t Mess with the Zohan was terrible.”

Yes…. yes it was. Check out her blog!

2. My long time friend, Matt, for those of you who read the old website years ago would know him as the Space Cowboy, said this

“I can’t stand most Adam Sandler Movies any more.”

To which I replied:

“>Yes, but one is forced on you while you don’t have to watch TV or movies. Its Not Unusual while still a catchy song, you can only do The Carlton for so long…”

Then he said: “You underestimate me. I could Carlton all. Day. Long.”

He further added, “Also, I love watching sports in my boxers, and I don’t think they allow that kind of thing at the stadium.

Sir, I think with 600 million dollars something could be arranged, but that is just me.

 

3. My cousin Jim had this to say: “This is pretty much my reality anyway so I’ll go with that.”

Ouch!

 

4. My co-worker, Andy, approved the hypothetical when I ran it by him. He gave his pick:

“Tom the Bomb is amazing. I make love to him every time I close my eyes at night, and he’s my first thought when I wake up.”

Sound logic, dude!

 

4. My father said “Tom Jones. My tinnitus would give him a run for my money.”

Oh dear father, you underestimate the power of Tom Jones.

 

5. My friend Scott and I had this exchange…

Scott: OUCH! Uh, how loud is Tom Jones?
Me: Loud enough to where you may not be able resist breaking out into The Carlton the first 4 times its played.
Scott: Hmmm…I would pick Tom Jones. I can watch movies with subtitles. It would be no different than watching a movie with my wife and child.

The answers for You Don’t Mess With the Zohan

1. My friend Brad was the first to respond with this answer about Zohan…

“I would pick Zohan easily because shut the movie off and play video games. Tom Jones sounds horrible because no matter what you’re to get to hear it.. Isn’t that a military tactic, playing the same song over and over again for your enemy because it eventually drives you mad?”

That is true, there are other forms of entertainment such as Video Games. Thank goodness Adam Sandler hasn’t sunk his claws into video games yet (unless you count that awful movie Pixels).

 

2. Was my pal and long time associate, Lynn,

I could live without watching tv/movies. I think hearing that song 24/7 would drive me mad. At least I could still read books, listen to music I enjoy, go to concerts, get on the internet and not be constantly reminded of my choice.”

Yes, you could go to concerts… Might I suggest Chicago Open Air… the greatest local music festival, here is Anthrax from that event…

 

3. My mother responded with this:

“I would pick Zohan and never watch TV again. I rarely watch it as it is.”

Good answer, mom!

 

Okay, here is the fascinating part of these answers… nobody picked Zohan because they liked the movie and wanted to watch it for the rest of their life.

Then there 1 person who chose to leave the money…

You see, this was always an option people.

My friend, Kalaab, who has been featured in previous editions of Getting the Answers plus Caption Contests, had this to say…

“TV I can do without, but I’m too much of a movie buff to resign myself to Zohan for the rest of my life. On the other hand, I know the psychological impact of repetitive music, thanks to my kids. Honestly, I’d probably just have to say “no thank you” and jam out to some Black Sabbath on the way to the store to pick up Kubrick Blu-Rays. Fuck Zohan and fuck Tom Jones.”

Good call sir! Because I had to look up that stupid scene from Zohan, I need a palette cleanser. Here is an iconic scene from my favorite Stanley Kubrick movie, Dr Strangelove…


I went to one more place for answers…

 

YAHOO! ANSWERS!!!! AAHHHHHH!!!

Yahoo! Answers is basically the wasteland of information. It is all about survival.

So I posed the question here and got a few answers I wanted to share.

18 Gibbs 20 answered TOM JONES. “Might as well. It’s stuck in my head now anyway. Thanks for that.

You’re welcome Gibbs!

 

Rebecca eloquently answered “I would do anything for £600m. From sucking random guys di*k to drink bleach for 2 weeks.

Well Then

 

Coffee had this answer, “I’d not want to be that rich.”

I expected a good answer from a user named Coffee because coffee is always a good answer, in general.


My choice? Leave the money. Some things in life are worth, but neither endless Tom Jones or Zohan is worth 600 million dollars. By all means, I wouldn’t judge anyone who would take these choices. You do you. As always, stay legendary my friend. If you got an any ideas for either this million dollars game or strange hypothetical questions, let us know in the comments. In the meantime, get the answer to a question I’m sure you’ve asked…. is it ok to walk the streets with a chiuaauaua in hand wearing a disco suit singing “Cherry Pie” by Warrant?

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