Amazon is a fine treasure trove of endless products. With Christmas coming up, you might want to revise your wishlist and add these rather “interesting” Amazon Products.
A Hideous Full House Makeup Bag
I found this fine craftsmanship featuring characters from THE FRANCHISE. I’m talking of course about the Full House Television Universe. Here is this makeup bag, which costs a very affordable $30 on Amazon plus $5 shipping.
Holy shit, this is hideous as hell. I’m normally not an art critic. I also know I couldn’t necessarily do better, but I also wouldn’t charge $30 for shit art either. What person who wears makeup will bravely carry this thing around? I definitely doubt any ladies would, and certainly nobody in drag. This is…wow…
And look what they did to my bae, my sweet sweet Dave Coulier! He’s literally the only one not even looking at me. He was so ashamed to be in this awful awful product. Here’s a better picture of my honey they could have used him giving that sweet sexy duckface…
Jeremy Renner Cutout Mask
In case you wanted nightmares, here’s a cutout mask of someone who plays a member of The Avengers, Jeremy Renner…
Seriously, could they have not picked the most crooked picture of Jeremy Renner?
Not to mention, this is borderline skin suit and lotion in the basket kind of stuff going on here. Seriously, what the hell?
The upside is this is only around $5 plus $3 shipping and handling. So at least its appropriately priced.
Octopus Candle Holder
In case you like horrifying sea creatures and have an octopus theme going on in your house, here is the right product for you, an Octopus Candle Holder…
The reviews for this are positive though for its sturdiness. So you know, in case you wanted this bad boy to stand the test of time, it apparently will. It is around $20 – $22 with AMAZON FREAKING PRIME. So you can have that bad boy in 1 to 3 days holding up your candles like a boss.
Sure, your friends might ask “Why?” But all you have to say is “Because… REASONS!”
The Satan Clause
I admit, I was disappointed at the lack of Satan in a Santa Clause outfit products. Seriously, but I did find this sweet ass book cover for a book titled “The Satan Clause.”
Now, as they say, don’t judge a book by its cover. But just so you know, David Andrew McGlone’s literary classic is available for free if you have Amazon Kindle Unlimited. Otherwise you can get it for just $2.99. If that wasn’t enough to wet your appetite, you can get the physical paperback for $5.38. Just in time for Christmas!
Now…. what’s the synopsis?
“He’s making a list. And checking it twice; gonna find out who’s naughty and…well not nice to be honest.
It’s not important really, except that I’m on the list, whatever it is. It’s the reason for the terrible pun of a title – The Satan Clause – and the reason why it’s so terrible.
12 days to commit 12 evil deeds. What would you do?”
I don’t know, I might just wait for the movie, but if anyone can tell me how it is, let me know, because as of now, there are NO reviews on Amazon.
Fred Durst Autograph
Ah, the late 90s and the rise of Nu-Metal. I remember being a teenager and listening to the hottest tracks like “Nookie,” “Rollin”, and “Stuck.” Well, in short, they were terrible, and their music has not aged well at all. But, you can relive 1999 with this autographed photo of their frontman, Fred Durst...
From the Product Description: “Fred Durst Autographed Memorabilia can take your man cave or office to the next level.”
Yes, put it in your man cave next to your poster of Pamela Anderson from Baywatch. Hey, the autograph is authentic. It has a certificate of authenticity in case anyone calls you being a poser for faking a Fred Durst autograph… or being a poser for having a real Fred Durst Autograph.
They even put it in a “Mahogany Custom Frame” which sounds like it might be worth more than the autograph, hence why they are charging $219 for this one of a kind product.
In the meantime, listen to the only song that kind of held up after all these years, “Break Stuff…”