Okay, this is the first edition of this column “I Read it For the Plot.” There are a lot of comics that feature art that is dedicated to “fanservice.” Fanservice is defined by the urban dictionary as “In general, fan service refers to scenes designed to excite or titillate the viewer. This can include scantily-clad outfits, cleavage shots, panty shots, nude scenes (shower scenes especially), etc. Some broader definitions also include things like cool mecha, big explosions, battle scenes, etc. Basically, if it has little plot-redeaming value, but makes the viewer sit up and take notice, it’s probably fan service in one form or another.” Arguments have been made for and against this type of art in comics. While I won’t argue it either way, I got to wondering “Are these comics even any good?” So I will read these offenders strictly for one thing… THE PLOT. First, we have probably the biggest offender I have seen, Tarot – Witch of the Black Rose.

What is the Plot?

First let us take a look at what everyone came here to see… THE PLOT SUMMARY!

Tarot, Witch of the Black Rose #1

The Witch Wars Part 1 of 4

Tarot Witch of the Black Rose Art & Story by Jim Balent full colour Issue#1 The Witch Wars Part 1 of 4 Tarot, a witch of harmony and peace needs to reclaim a Dark Book of Shadows which her sister Raven Hex has stolen. Raven Hex, a Witch who is fed up with the bigotry of non-magickal humans, wishes to claim the earth for all of Witchkind! Because of Tarot’s geniune Wiccan Belief of “Do what thou wilt but Harm None” Tarot must stop Raven! Help comes from an old Cemetry

To give you a little background, I was raised in a Wiccan household. So far, that is a surprisingly somewhat accurate take on the religion… minus what I assume is going to be telekenesis and mystical stuff that just doesn’t simply happen. However, they always include it, plus its a comic book. It would be boring if they just ended up grinding some herbs and lit candles.

Tarot: The Character

First, let me take look at the only uncensored look at Tarot in her “Witches Armor” to give you an idea of what we are in for..

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOMINATION?! At least if she gets a titty twister or kicked in the cooch, she has armor to protect her, I guess?

Now… from here on out, we will be censoring the rest, but we will do it with pictures of this guy judging you…

The Cover

Now… here is the cover of this comic…

Holy bejesus. Now in fairness, Wicca does deal with a lot of nudity and sexual expression. I always call it “A Religion of Hippies.” However, I don’t recall seeing any young naked ladies with future lower back problems at those rituals either.


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Inside the Book

The story tells of society of Witches that created two books. One of light and one of harmony. They were to be protected by the Witches of the Black Rose.

Tarot’s sister has stolen the dark book. We jump to our hero, the Witch of the Black Rose, doing a Tarot reading…

Her reading tells her to find the Knight of Swords, and she will find her sister. She says that she can not do any harm, but she can protect heself…. WITH HER WITCHES ARMOR.

Which cuts to a scene of her  literally getting naked and getting into her armor.

Not sure what this has to do with the plot of finding a Knight of Swords, but those are some big Beans there.

We cut to some grown ass men smashing pumpkins on Halloween on some random person’s property because they are edgy as hell. The owner runs them off the property where they run into a pumpkin monster?

In fairness, the guys could have caught this pumpkin monsters on a bad day. Reports say this is usually the mood for them…

 

They are kidnapped by angry pumpkin monsters and wonder if they are in hell. Enter Tarot’s sister… Raven…

So how will our Two guys who are smashing pumpkins respond?

I think I saw this scene made into a movie a few times, but it usually involved a pizza boy or a plumber.

So the situation of our pumpkin smashes get tasks to digging up a grave because “Why the hell not?” The body is of cojoined twins because of course it is. Not only that but they are ghosts who hang around the grave. Man, you would think with all of the cosmos to explore they would have ventured out by now. That leads to what I feel is the greatest line of dialog in the whole book.

Not the hero the Cemetery needs, but the hero the Cemetery deserves.

Anyway, he kicks the butt of the pumpkin thugs and the pumpkin monsters come in. In comes THE WITCH OF THE BLACK ROSE!

And she immediately gets her butt by the pumpkin monster kicked so bad that… she “presents” herself???????

Skeleton Man and Tarot then dispose of the Pumpkin Monsters. That is when the our two heroes meet each other and Tarot receives a vision.

DUN DUN DUN!!!!!


How was “The Plot”

This is technically not the worst plot I have read in a comic. I did like some of the Wiccan elements that were incorporated. I thought the Pumpkin Heads were a bitover the top as a villain. The dialog was very corny.

I give it One and 3/4 of a stars out of 5.

Of course, the art is something else, but this is strictly a review of the plot.


NEXT: Does Bendis’s Superman Book The Man of Steel #1 Live Up to the Hype?

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One Reply to “I Read It For the Plot: Tarot – Witch of the Black Rose”

  1. Lol it was a great post! Some drawing reminded me of Gen 13 or Grimm Fairie Tale from Zenescope.

    But why censor the gal 😎😍😍 and with mr bean at that.

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