Confession: I’m a Half Ass Builder of Crappy Furniture

I’ve been married for going on nine years now to my lovely wife, Katie. We’ve been an item for going on almost 15 years now and I can’t complain. Now, in a marriage or a long term relationship, you assume your relationship roles. Some couples do traditional gender roles, and there isn’t anything necessarily wrong with that. Katie and I play to your strengths and weaknesses and that is what I suggest.

It is humorous though some of the unwanted roles that I landed, and I will be describing them in this series.

Man: Half Ass Builder of Crappy Furniture

I don’t know how I ever landed this job when we were handing out relationship roles. I don’t have dexterity in my hands. That never really developed, so operating a screwdriver is beyond a pain. My wife looked at this role and must of have assumed that I needed to feel masculine or something. Hey, I’m also not bad at a game of Tetris.

Unfortunately, those puzzles skills don’t translate very well to my trying to build IKEA and IKEA-like furniture. My wife, god bless her, likes to pick out those cheap shelves they sell that come in a million pieces with no words in the instructions. It just has has a diagram that makes no sense.

“Where are the words Katie?” I typically say.

She pretends that I got this. I appreciate the confidence, but you’ve bet on the wrong horse in this race.

One of my favorite celebrities pretty much sums it up best here…

Ryan Reynolds

You said it best Ryan Reynolds!

It can be a daunting task. Now, some adults have a good handle on building shelves and other various things from these kits. That is fantastic. To you ladies and gentleman, I applaud you. In fact, here is a gift from me personally…

Relationship Roles Cookie

What will I do? Well, I will continue to take hours, lose screws, and in the end, end up with about 4 parts leftover. That is the true American Way of how the layman puts this crappy stuff together. We do this and we do it with pride!

This image has gone around the internet and it sums it up best. It is somebody’s cousin trying to put together an Ikea chair. I feel their pain…

ikea chair

Relationship Roles: My Equally Half Ass Solution

Right now, if I need some basic shelves in a pinch, I’ve been relying on these no tools shelves. You can find several of them on Amazon. They take minutes to build and do not induce rage. I guarantee it. You be you!


  1. While I sympathize with the pain your manhood feels, I think women have it equally as embarrassing trying to be savvy and improve their womanly skills in the kitchen. I mean… just type “Pinterest Fails” into Google Images and see for yourself! =D

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