Welcome to another edition of Right in the Childhood. So far I have done Thundarr the Barbarian and Thundercats, both of which I had never watched before. This time, I’m reaching into my personal favorite childhood cartoons and doing X-Men: The Animated Series from the early to mid 1990s. But as usual, I promise this to be fair but fun.
The Most Epic Cartoon Introduction Ever?
First of all, we have to cover this freaking awesome theme music and intro.
I mean, this is the pinnacle of TV intros. I’m sorry, they just don’t do this anymore. They literally have the X-Men and the Brotherhood charging at each other on the end. I got seriously hyped when that happened.
The First X-Men Scene
We cut to the first scene not to any X-Men, but between two random people talking about their daughter, who turns out to be Jubilee, aka the most useless X-Men of all time. She has three powers. Fucking up the warranty on your expensive electronics, lighting fireworks, and being a moody smart ass. Why? Because she’s a teenager and that’s what teenagers do, amirite?
They are fighting about registering Jubilee with some mutant agency. The father is like “No! No! No! It isn’t a bad place. It is actually an ‘Mutant Outreach Program.'”
“Mutant Outreach Program.” Hmmmm… that brings visions of ‘rehabilitation” from the film, Idiocracy.
The father defends his choice by saying…
“Look what she did to the VCR just by touching it!”
Hey, back in the days, those VCRs weren’t cheap. Wouldn’t you turn your child into an “outreach program?” That definitely seems like a normal rational reaction. How is he supposed to record reruns of Murphy Brown?
It is revealed that a Sentinel is trying to capture Jubilee… now that’s one way to outreach a mutant. So, Jubilee runs away and goes to ….. …. the mall? Ummm… okay…
“Let’s Go to the Mall”
At the mall, she runs into The X-Men by some sort of strange coincidence. What are the odds people? I mean, that is a million to one shot. Of course, the Sentinel has also chased Jubilee down there. The Sentinel says “Don’t be alarmed.”
Yeah don’t be alarmed by the giant flying robot programmed to capture people based on genes.
The Sentinel insists on capturing Jubilee… presumably just for some outreach. However, two of my favorite all time X-Men members, Storm & Rogue, take some exception to this.
In fact, Storm reveals herself in all of her glory. Let’s face it, the movies or any series after this just haven’t captured Storm quite like the animated series from the 90s did.
Eventually, the X-Men defeat the Sentinel and rescue Jubilee to take her back to the school.
At the School
Jubilee wakes in a bed with things attached to her. She immediately freaks out and starts removing things. According to TV & Movies, if you go unconcious and wake up in medical room with IVs and wires attached to machines, the rational thing to do is freak out and start removing shit. I’m sure this will please the staff.
We meet some of the X-Men along the way… by every single X-Men is completely ripped to shreds. It is very impressive.
Naturally, she breaks out and NOBODY notices for a really long time. The Professor eventually uses his psychic powers and naturally instead of handling it diplomatically, he SOUNDS THE INTRUDER ALARM. What the hell Professor?
Eventually, the X-Men find Jubilee and Storm takes her off for what starts off as a very heartfelt conversation. Jubilee starts talking and then randomly decides to be a smart ass because she’s a moody teen. That’s just what teenagers do, amiright? Well… Storm basically says “Bitch, I’ve had enough of your bullshit” and goes off. You have to watch this scene, it is still one of my favorites…
AWW DAMN! Do not mouth off little girl! She will bring a world of pain to you!
A Night of Bad Decisions
Jubilee then decides to randomly run off and check on her foster parents? Ummm? Robots? Foster Parents? Apparently Jubilee was way too young to watch Terminator 2: Judgment Day to know what happens when machines and foster parents get involved.
The Sentinel and some asshole wearing sunglasses at night find Jubilee. Since the asshole isn’t carrying a clock radio, there’s nothing Jubilee can do but get captured.
Back at headquarters, the Professor Xaver hatches a plan to invade the headquarters of the Sentinel base, which Cyclops isn’t so sure. Maybe he’s concerned that he won’t get them gains, bro? You know, because he’s 2 percent body fat?
After a little pettiness between the characters, they eventually head down to the “Mutant Outreach” headquarters. Beast, Wolverine, and Morph are joined by Storm and break into the facility to destroy their files. Then… for no reason whatsoever, they engage in a mutant powers pissing contest.
Wolverine can apparently smell infrared sensors.
Storm, once again, tops that be revealing the sensors with the power of the thunderstorm. Awesome, my lady!
Then Beast is like “These sensors? I can climb over this shit with my monkey powers.” He climbs over, disables security, and they are about to open the door where their armed guards waiting…
AND THAT’S WHERE IT ENDS?!
What?!?!?!?!?! Okay, I guess we will have to wait till I do Part 2. Do you want Part 2? Let me know on social media or the comments
Overall, this cartoon still holds up. There are some dated references but even in this day it seems very relevant. Not bad for a 20 year old cartoon. The voice acting is over the top, but its awesome. It took them approximately 10 live action motion pictures to get the character of Wolverine right, but they still can’t figure out how to do Storm, which this cartoon nailed.
In the meantime, enjoy this awesome rendition of that sweet sweet theme song…