I have reviewed a few classic cartoons on Geek With That such as Thundercats. Today I am taking on the classic, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, which is truly an all-time classic cartoon. I mean I start He-Man and the Masters of the Universe and right off the bat, we get a monologue of the backstory of He-Man and some awesome 80s background music…
Here is the monologue: “I am Adam, Prince of Eternia, Defender of the Secrets of Castle Greyskull. This is Kringer, my fearless friend. Fabulous, secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said: “By the Power of Greyskull! I have the power!” Kringer became the mighty BattleCat and I became He-man, the most powerful man in the Universe!Only three others share this secret… Our friends the Sorceress, Man-at-Arms, and Orko. Together we defend Castle Greyskull from the evil forces of Skeletor.”
Awesome, so we get to the opening scene with Skeletor. Can I just say that Skeletor is basically my spirit animal. Watch this amazing scene as he interacts with his crew…
All he wants to do is make his enemies disappear. I can totally relate to that Skeletor. I got no time for drama.
So who is his bad ass squad? Just you wait because what you are about to see is the worst roll of the dice in Dungeons n Dragons history…
First, let us take a look at Mer-Man…
Mer-Man is the master of the seas and fish. He also constantly looks like he just snorted a line of cocaine. He is a real smart ass in the scene to Skeletor. He’s like “Skeletor, we all heard this before but He-Man gets us every time. What’s so different about this time?”
HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO SKELETOR LIKE THAT??? No one has time for your shit, Mer-Man!
Next up, we have “Evil Lyn.” I’m not kidding. That is her actual name.
She is a sorceress or some shit. Apparently every woman in He-Man is a witch with a generic name of some sorts.
Next up is the Tri-Klops. Like a Cyclops, but with 3 eyes which are somehow even more impractical.
Finally, here is the Trap-Jaw…the most genius work of toy marketing…err… I mean “storytelling” in history…
This makes for an awesome action figure. Swap out arms, moveable jaw. You could have all kinds of epic battles. However, this is not a practical guy to go into battle with if he has to constantly swap out his arm.
Trapjaw starts storming the castle. This is where it gets good “Adam” runs off and the king is so depressed about Adam. If only he were a true prince. How does this man not know Adam is He-Man? He has an even worse disguise than Clark Kent, ie….no disguise. He just changes outfits. What the heck?
Adam then busts out his “By the power of Greyskull. I have the power!”
HELL TO THE YEAH! Masters of the Universe is getting lit! That is some epic stuff right there.
The lady warrior, rather than try to just stab Trap Jaw, sticks her sword in his face. This is where Trap Jaw just gets all bitey.
That is pretty damn amazing right there.
As it turns out, it was all a ruse! Skeletor used his most worthless henchman to distract the soldiers from the castle, to make the royal family and the most worthless Sorceress disappear with his RAY OF DISAPPEARANCE! I wish I could do that with a few people. This is why everyone still talks about Skeletor when it comes to He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.
Disappointing news for Skeletor
He-Man goes to Castle Greyskull to consult a magic mirror which somehow gets in touch with the sorceress. That’s convenient as hell. I, too, sometimes wish I had a portal to hell so I could get in touch with all those amazing rock stars that are supposed to be there.
Sorceress tells him he must destroy the gem. WELL NO SHIT LADY! What a worthless portal to hell this was…
It is too late, Skeletor is storming the Castle to destroy it!
I mean, there is just no way He-Man is there?
WRONG BUB! He-Man is there! He is the most powerful man in the universe.
Skeletor insists on dispatching his minions! Just use the ray of disappearance dude! What are you doing?!
By the way, I must pause on this awesome freeze frame…
You know there is just a lot of terrible fan fiction out there just for that 3 seconds of television.
Anyway, Skeletor completely drops the damn ball (what the hell bro) and somehow He-Man gets a hold of the Ray of Disappearance. What the hell man?! He-Man destroys it with a little effort and the royal family and the worthless sorceress come back. Skeletor and his minions retreat. Skeletor insists this isn’t over. He is ambitious about making his enemies go away, if nothing else.
I freaking loved He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. It both has high levels of absurdity and awesomeness that just blend together. You have to watch it. In fact, episodes are available to purchase on Amazon. Grab an episode now! Now let us throw in Skeletor gif for old time sake…