Today Mr and Mrs Geek have combined their powers for this blog. Mr Geek will be in italics. While Mrs Geek with be in normal typeface. Today we discuss the story mode for perhaps the most important game of our generation, Genital Jousting.
I recently am testing the waters to see if I like video games. My husband, Mr. Geek, is a lifelong player and collector. I went through his Steam library and discovered an unusual game that was installed.
It was called Genital Jousting. Needless to say, I was intrigued.
How can you not come across a game where you play a male genitals on a Steam summer sale 50% off when it normally only costs $6.99 on Steam and not instantly buy it. CASE CLOSED. DAMN YOU GABEN!
This is a game where you play a disembodied penis, balls, and anus. There is online multiplayer, but there is also a single player story mode. Of course I had to try it out. I mean, it is called Genital Jousting!
In the story of Genital Jousting, you play as John, a single penis who is nervous for his upcoming high school reunion. You go on a journey to find a date so he’s not embarrassed.
I might, also add, it is narrated by a British lady. That just adds to the overall awesomeness. God bless the Brits and their amazing accent.
First you learn the moves. Go left. Go right. Pull from the tip. Pull from the rear. Knock an apple off a tree and OH MY, is John being ambushed by expanding penises?
I think I had this nightmare before.
Mr Geek called it, was a nightmare. Now going around the house, I am not very coordinated with my penis.
Me too… oh! YOU MEAN THE GAME!!!!
You have to feed John some food. Its eats food through the tip and poops it out the rear because its a hungry penis. Unfortunately, being in the kitchen, I keep accidentally sticking John’s head in the stove and burning it.
John’s Day At Work
Now it is time to go to work.
Oh look, all of the penises are taking a bus to work. How cute…
My job is that I am a vibrator tester. I have to stick the vibrators up my bum. Unfortunately, one of them is just too much and it burn my asshole
Unfortunately, the lack of real coordination meant I missed some tasks, and thus, I was not able to soothe his butthurt. Poor John.
At this point, John fancies Barbara and asks her out on a date. It is a “will they or won’t they” kind of thing. Sadly, he is unable to seal the deal. So John decides to soothe his sadness by going shopping. As the British lady says “Nothing like a rectum full of money.”
I have many options to fill my house full of stuff. Including a pizza bed spread. I chose pizza because like pizza, I always deliver! And now it is time to seduce the pizza delivery lady. Unfortunately, again, I am unable to make things happen. This upsets Bob, and he destroys his stuff.
Okay, at this point, I determine that she is being entirely too reckless with the penis. I think those who have a Bob would be much more careful with him in this game than those who don’t have a Bob. That’s all I’m saying here people. Treat it well, people!
At this point, John decides to take a vacation and go around the world. The goal of this vacation is to get through security. Unfortunately, I set off the metal detector.
I see no Prince Albert there!
Well he has something in the pockets of his lovely vest I picked out earlier, Mr Geek! Anyway, then I fly on a very cramped plane. Seriously, there is no ball room there.
Man, I know that feeling. They need to breathe people!
You go around the world to all of the monuments, stick them up your butt, and take a picture to post to Buttsagram, which I assume is this world’s Instagram.
Wait… I already thought our Instagram was essentially already Buttsagram anyway?
That’s true. Anyway, I return from Vacation a renewed man. That is where we stop for today. Should Mr. and Mrs. Geek continue this adventure? Let us know in the comments and on social media.
Let us just say, it gets weirder from here…