As some of you know, I am a huge metal head. I love the diversity of the genre whether Tarja is providing opera vocals for a symphony orchestra backed metal in Nightwish or Alissa White Gluz is providing some gutteral vocals on Arch Enemy.
However, over the years, there has been a fair share of bad creative decisions in metal. In this case, we are going to look at some of the album covers. Back in the day, the album cover sold the record in some cases rather than just the name alone. So here are 5 truly awful metal album covers.
1. Split Beaver – When Hell Won’t Have You
Okay, first of all, the name of the band is “Split Beaver” which is truly just amazing and noteworthy in its own right. Then you get to this rather ridiculous cover. Is it supposed to be sexy? Demonic? Edgy? Well, it really isn’t any of those. I will say, it is eye catchy, but for all the wrong reasons. Definitely an assault on the eyes.
But hey, what about the music on the album? After all, you don’t judge a book about its cover. Well, I leave this song for you to judge…
2 Adema – Topple the Giants
I know there are a lot of fans of Adema out there, but none of them could have been overly pleased with this low level Photoshop job. Seriously, what on Earth happened here? Did the drummer’s mom pirate Adobe Photoshop and then put this together in 30 seconds? I have SOOOO many questions here.
And of course, here is a song off the album. Is it at least better than the cover?
3. Poison – Hollyweird
Admittedly, I am neither the biggest fan of Poison or Bret Michaels. While I won’t deny their place in rock history (or glam metal), they just never really lit my world on fire with their music. Having said that, surely someone with the band knew better than to make this their album cover.
After having hate watched Rock of Love and have seen him won Celebrity Apprentice, I have no doubt in my mind that Bret Michaels found this cover “amazing.” Now, I don’t have a problem with trying to do some sexy art. Many could argue for days its place in our community. Having said all of that, the key word here is “sexy” at least get a flattering angle of what is probably a beautiful woman for crying out loud.
Here is the title track “Hollyweird”
4. Metal Church – Hanging in the Balance
Okay, I absolutely adore Metal Church. I have had the pleasure of seeing them perform live 3 times and they have crushed each and every time. Having said that, what in the blue hell is going on here with Mohawk Chicken BDSM Lady?
Okay, here is the song “Gods of a Second Chance.”
5. Heene Boyz – Fingered It Out
Okay, I went down a weird rabbit hole here guys. If face painted shirtless 13 year old kids on an album cover titled “Fingered It Out” isn’t enough, just WAIT till you see this music video. You have to see this to believe it. Somehow, it is kind of amazing in the oddest way possible…
It is odd, yet somehow puts a smile on my face anyway. What a weird world we live in.