Film, TV, & Books

Odd Star Merchandise 2019 Edition

So this is the 3rd edition of this series, as this column comes around every Star Wars release. Well, this time, we are expecting the much anticipated Star Wars Episode IX – Rise of Skywalker (for better or worse), and we are also dealing The Mandalorian is kicking into high gear.

But let us first talk about the one character who has stolen hearts of everyone, and that is Baby Yoda. In an effort to keep things spoiler free, they produced no merchandise for The Mandalorian. Well, its unfortunate too because Christmas seasons is here, and my wife is all “100% All In” on Baby Yoda (just like she was with Porgs and BB-8). Unfortunately THIS is just one example of the merch Disney has released…

Well, to be quite blunt, I’m not paying out the ass for that awful crap. I see the common folk make much better printed fabric merchandise at half the cost. So instead, I went and paid out the ass for some better looking Etsy stuff. (Surprise dear!)

Of course, that brings us to rest of the column, the great Star Wars Merchandise column!

Star Wars Fruit

I actually recall seeing the Star Wars fruit in stores and my reaction being “Huh?”

It is just dead ass regular fruit with a Star Wars label. Also, I’m sorry, is this implying that if we eat the Grapes we are eating Yoda droppings or something? Exactly what are the implications are of that one?

While you are at it, Check out the first column and the second column in this series.

Slave Leia Perfume

Another one for the “What is this exactly implying?” file. Do I even need to elaborate on just how creepy this is?

Toilet Paper and Air Sickness Bags

This stuff was branded around the release of the prequels, and me not being a fan of those three films, I can’t think of more appropriate merchandise to go along with what I experienced in viewing them. Air sickness bag especially appropriate during the romance scenes in Episode 2.

DOG AT-AT Walker Costume

The image is horrifying. However, I have to say that is it wrong that I both kind of like it and would also want it for my tall lanky dog too if I had one?

Walk with your AT-AT dog and when they relief themselves on your neighbors yard you go “PEW PEW PEW PEW!” Come on, you weren’t thinking it before, but now you want to do it for that asshole Steve Johnson guy who lives next door.

Adult Diapers

You know that there is some weird corner of the internet where some model is making hundreds of dollars a month with pictures and videos with these on.

Yes, I know. I’m just saying in an effort to make money, Disney and/or Lucas Films have probably provided a living for somebody else too. Thus, that is the circle of life.

Besides, it is the Number Two Star Wars Merchandise of all time! Sorry, that was a cheap joke. I apologize, as I’m above that.

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